There's been a lot on my mind lately. I feel quite stuck, and am ready for a big change. The Big Change that I got about this time last year apparently was not a big enough change to begin with, because I have healed from that change and still feel like I'm missing something. I feel like I'm not anywhere near where I should be by this point in my life, and at that, I feel like I still have an amazingly long way to go before I even get close. I don't know if that means that my plans for myself were to grandiose, or if I am lacking in my execution. I'll be honest, fear seems to be a partner in crime to my procrastination.

Maybe I need to finally move out of this town. Maybe I need to transfer schools. Maybe I need to change my major. I have no idea, but I know that I need to get something figured out soon. I'm feeling myself want to slip back into old ways just to help the guilt that I am feeling, I've been looking for a way to feel like I have some control. I'm in a rough spot right now and am looking for a way through it.

There's this guy living up the block. He's a convicted rapist. I had no idea, I have no idea how long he's been living here. I'm not worried about him, but between my discovery of his past indiscretions and the casual indifference regarding rape from a roomate of mine, I have been thinking about that as well. It ended up being the central figure for my final painting this semester; this is the first time I've tried to deal with what happened in any sort of artistic manner.

I've been missing photography lately, but I'm completely lacking in inspiration. I have been surrounded by the same images and the same places, things, and people for 23 years of my life. I think that I am just not visually stimulated anymore; I need to head out into the middle of the country or something. Just go drive and try to find something that will flip the switch that allows me to photograph freely enough to enjoy it. I'm ready to see something new, or learn something new. Maybe I need to find a new photographer to try and jump-start myself or something.

Oh. Go download the new Nine Inch Nails album from the website. It's free, and it's another blatant display of Reznor's badassery.